One night I asked myself if I truly believed in myself, if I believed in my ability to effect change and to succeed. God says that with him and through him all things are possible but the humanity in me questions rather or not that statement applies to life fully.
It’s the night before my debates and I do not doubt my ability to portray a strong candidate, but it’s questioning the practicality of me winning. I feel bad because of the false allegiance I have made, but its all political is what I tell myself to stomach the bullshit I willingly put myself through. It will all pay off soon I assure myself. My question to myself is simply when did being you not become enough.
I’m on a quest to find something beautiful; something beautiful in me and something beautiful beyond me. A beautiful mind and a beautiful soul. One that isn’t pure but wise beyond belief with the ability and strength to conquer doubt and insecurity.
In that beauty I want to find escape. An escape where I can embrace who I am and welcome the embrace of those around me. That escape will expose me to freedom from mental bondage and social stereotypes and build me up to be the man I honestly can’t see yet.
A few weeks ago I made a confession at a program and it was that I have come to accept that I may die young, and my goal was to not die unaccomplished and to die with a sense of freedom in mind. As of now my words is my freedom, no parameters or expectations, and although I still don’t truly believe in my self, I believe in the power of my words and the strength they might be to somebody else.